Our Issue:

I remember one night, after a string of back-to-back meltdowns, my toddler finally fell asleep mid-sob in my lap. I sat there in the dark, scrolling through parenting forums with one hand, wondering if I was doing any of it right. I’d tried teaching deep breaths during a tantrum (spoiler alert: total flop). I’d offered choices mid-scream. Nothing worked. It felt like trying to explain a fire drill during an actual fire.

Eventually, I learned: the secret wasn’t doing more in the moment—it was doing less in the chaos, and more in the quiet that followed.
Here’s what helped us…

Trying to teach your toddler how to handle big feelings while they’re in the middle of a meltdown is like trying to teach someone how to swim while they’re already drowning. It’s just not going to work.

What worked for us was waiting for those small, quiet moments—after bath time, during snack, or right before bed. Even 60 seconds of calm can be enough to plant the seed.

You’re not doing anything wrong if these calm moments feel few and far between. Toddlers are a walking storm system. But seizing the peaceful ones is how you slowly build your way out of the chaos.

Reflect on the Moment Without Judgment

Once everyone’s cooled off, I’d gently bring up what happened earlier. Not in a lecturing way—more like, “Hey, remember when your tower got knocked over and you were really upset?”

This helped my toddler put words to the moment, especially when I named the feeling without shaming the reaction:

• “You looked really frustrated.”
• “I could see you felt left out.”
• “It seemed like you were super mad.”

The goal wasn’t to correct them. It was to help them recognize their own emotions in hindsight. That’s how we started laying the groundwork for emotional awareness.

And just to say it plainly: I’m not an expert. Just a parent learning on the job. This worked for us, but every toddler is different—trust your gut and check in with your pediatrician if you’re ever unsure.

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Offer Options, Not Commands

Toddlers are wired for independence. So instead of telling mine what not to do, I started asking what they could do next time. Sometimes I’d offer choices, other times we’d brainstorm together.

Some of the things we came up with:

• Stomping feet on a “stomp mat”
• Squeezing a pillow really tight
• Asking for help with words like “I’m mad!”

Letting them be part of the solution gave them a sense of control. And when a toddler feels some control? Everything gets a little easier.

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Make Time to Practice (Yes, Literally)

Once we had a few go-to coping strategies, we made time to act them out together—when things were calm.

We’d pretend a toy stole another toy’s snack, and then practice asking for help, or taking deep breaths, or using our hands gently. My toddler thought it was a game. I knew we were laying bricks toward something sturdier.

Practice doesn’t mean they’ll do it perfectly next time. But it increases the chance that eventually, they will. And progress counts more than perfection.

Keep Your Expectations Toddler-Sized

Teaching coping isn’t a one-and-done lesson. It’s not like your toddler will suddenly breathe through every tantrum because you taught them once.

Some days, your toddler might scream into the couch just like they did before. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means they’re still learning.

I had to remind myself (often out loud): coping skills take time to build. We had to practice outside the big feelings again and again—and even then, it wasn’t magic. But over time, I started to see small shifts: a pause before a yell, a request for help, a deep breath.

Ideas That Worked for Us

Not every coping tool clicked, but some stuck. Here are a few we tried:

• Drawing “mad pictures” with dark crayons
• Punching playdough or a soft ball
• Blowing slow breaths like we’re blowing out birthday candles
• Hiding under a blanket fort to “cool off”
• Singing a silly song when feelings got big

The key was finding what felt good to my toddler, not just what made sense to me.

And remember—I’m just a parent figuring this out day by day. This isn’t expert advice, and what works in one home might flop in another. If you’re ever unsure, it’s always a good idea to loop in your child’s doctor.

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FAQs: Teaching Coping Skills to Toddlers

What age should I start teaching coping skills?

As soon as your toddler starts showing big feelings—yep, that early. You’re not expecting mastery, just slowly building the foundation.

How long does it take before I see results?

Honestly? It varies. Some kids pick up a skill after a week, others take months. Repetition is key, and success might look like a 5-second pause instead of a full-blown scream.

What if my toddler refuses every option?

Totally normal. Keep offering gently, and try reframing it like play. You can also model the skill yourself—toddlers love to mimic what they see.

Should I correct them during a tantrum?

Not really. In the moment, focus on keeping them safe. Save the teaching for when you’re both calm again.

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You’re Not Alone in This

If no one told you today: you’re doing a good job. Teaching a toddler how to ride the emotional rollercoaster isn’t easy. There will be resistance. There will be regressions. But if you keep showing up—even imperfectly—your child will learn how to handle their big feelings one step at a time.

Have a strategy that worked wonders in your home? Share it in the comments—I’d love to hear what’s helped your family ride the toddler waves.